Dear Old Crabby Guitar Curmudgeon,

Sometimes when I touch my mic and my guitar at the same time I get shocked. Is this normal?

Sincerely, Tim

Tim,

That is caused by the fact that in order to make your guitar quieter the guitar builder does what is called "String grounding". There is a wire that goes from your guitar bridge to the ground of your guitar. This connects YOU to the ground of your guitar. Ever notice that if you take your hand off your guitar it will buzz, if you touch it, it stops? The problem you have can often be helped if you flip the "ground Switch" on either your amp or your PA system. (Not both of them, one or the other) The other fix for this would be to use a low impedance pickup like EMG for instance which does not need to be string grounded to be quiet. Also if you use a wireless you will no longer have that problem since there is no cord attaching you to your amp.

Now go away kid yer bothering me,

OCGC

(Old Crabby Guitar Curmudgeon)

Dear  Guitar Curmudgeon,

I often hear people talk about warped necks on guitars. What is the best way for me to check my neck for straightness?

Regards, Mark

Mark,

First, you need to understand that you usually do NOT want your neck to be perfectly straight. Hold your low E string against the first fret. Now at the same time hold the same string against the 15th fret. This makes the string into a straight edge. Now look in the middle of the neck at about the seventh fret. Between the fret and the string there should be a slight gap, just about enough to slip a credit card into. The reason for the gap is called "Neck relief". By letting the neck have that slight bow it makes you able to play the first 3-4 frets without so much buzzing against the middle frets. If you need to adjust your neck after checking it this way we suggest that you take it to a qualified guitar tech. Yes you can do it yourself but if you break the truss rod it is a high price to pay for saving the few dollars it would cost you to get the adjustment done by a pro.

Now go away kid yer bothering me,

OCGC

(Old Crabby Guitar Curmudgeon)

Dear OCGC,

I need your opinion. My buddy Fred is a really good guitar player but he pawned his guitar last week to pay his rent and now he wants to know if he can borrow mine for his big gig. Would you loan your guitar to him, like I said he can really Rock!

Sincere wishes, Trusting Tommy

Geez Tommy,

On the subject of your "buddy" Fred.  How can I put this delicately, how can I phrase it in such a way so as not to offend your buddy Fred's delicate sensibilities?

DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!  Fred is not your buddy Tommy, he's a scuzball and a user most likely and the sooner you realize that the better off you will be. One of the reasons he plays so well is that he doesn't spend any of his time earning his own way in life!

Any real guitar player would NEVER sell his only guitar if he really cared about his music.  The fact that he pawned his guitar tells me that he is not very good at handling or planning things in his life and now he wants YOU to hand him your hard earned guitar to bail him out of a situation he put himself into.

 I have a few rules about my guitars Mark, and you should observe them too if you are smart.

1. NEVER TRUST YOUR STRAP.  

About the time you take both hands off of your guitar is the same moment at which your strap buttons will pull out, your strap locks will fail, or your strap will somehow let you down.  Always keep one hand or the other on your guitar, if you can't then set it down and do whatever you are trying to do. When your guitar hits the ground its a good bet the neck or headstock will snap. I'm the guy who fixes them when that happens and trust me you don't want to have that experience.

2. YOU DON'T HAVE ANY BUDDIES WHO SHOULD PLAY YOUR GUITAR. 

Read that again and remember it. YOU paid good money for your guitar because YOU wanted it. If your buddy wants a guitar tell him to buy his own.  More often then not guitars are dropped, scratched or otherwise broken by someone other than the owner. 

Its like a car that belongs to a rental company. Nobody paid for it with their hard earned money so they don't really care about it. Don't put your guitar in that position.

Like the Crabby old Guitar curmudgeon always says, "If you don't play my guitar I won't mess with your wife!".

Now go away kid yer bothering me,

OCGC

(Old Crabby Guitar Curmudgeon)

Dear Crabby Old Guitar Fossil,

Joe Blow, the rock star who plays faster than God has a signature model made by Fibson guitars. Should I buy one so I will play as good as Joe?

Thanks,

Harry Heroworshipper

Dear Harry,

I bet you only wear jeans with labels on the butt too, am I right?

Here is the thing with signature model guitars. No matter how much you might like Eric Johson's playing and or his sound, ar any other star player, it really does not matter. Their opinion on what is a great guitar is not important when it's YOU who is the one paying the tab, know what I mean?

A great example is the Stevie Rae strat. A lot of people finally play one and go "yick", because Stevie liked a really big neck and the SRVs I have played had huge necks that to me felt terrible. Just because a guitar is one guy's version of perfection does not mean you will like it at all. The guitar I love you may hate and just because I might be a rock star does not mean I have great taste in guitars. (This theory is proven by my neighbor, he think his wife is hot stuff while I on the other hand, well never mind...)

You are the one that has to love and live with the guitar that you pay for with your hard earned cash. NEVER buy a guitar just because some great player uses it, or because your freind who plays well said it was good.

Their opinions don't matter, YOUR opinion does because it's your money. So check out a lot of brands, play them and listen with your ears, not with your wallet or your desire to be fashionable and then buy the guitar that speaks to you as a player. Buy the one you love and that feeds your soul as a musician.

Now go away kid, yer bothering me,

COGC

(Old Crabby Guitar Curmudgeon)